convo 1.30.10

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forrestjones2010
sup?
cagedmind0531
You free yet?
forrestjones2010
for a spell
cagedmind0531
k let me post what I have.
posted
just noticed I used interesting twice in a row, fixing that
forrestjones2010
Three days in passed in the forest
oops
cagedmind0531
lol
forrestjones2010
three days passed (take first "in" out
cagedmind0531
done
forrestjones2010
As if for the first time Taeran considers Axis's proposal."No...No...Taeran taught me that life was to be respected, something cherished, not merely an empty vessel to be cracked open."
how do i change font color?
cagedmind0531
em not sure. in what program?
forrestjones2010
did you mean Graven
in messenger
cagedmind0531
No, Taeran taught him that. Is that confusing?
taught graven that I mean
forrestjones2010
how can terean consider Axis's proposal?
cagedmind0531
oh...graven does let me clarify that
forrestjones2010
k
cagedmind0531
As if for the first time Graven considers Axis's proposal."No...No...Taeran taught me that life was to be respected, something cherished...
forrestjones2010
Graven scrutinized the child before him who was
take out "before him
"
The child played in the stream as if lost in some daydream and so carefully and with trepidation graven approached.
cagedmind0531
done
forrestjones2010
the child played in the stream lost in some daydream, Graven with trepidation carefully approched him.
He beckoned but go no response and so began to close the distance.
got
the distance between them
etherhil (the name for adolescent's in Gravens tribe),
etherhil,then ame for...,
good word btw
cagedmind0531
ty
forrestjones2010
more feral then bipedal
than
by axis's call Graven spri
cagedmind0531
done, done
forrestjones2010
Axis's
gotta run for a bit...dinner...sorry be back on later
cagedmind0531
k
written almost 3 pages today I think
forrestjones2010
wowsers
bazinga!
cagedmind0531
Bazinga what?
forrestjones2010
i am awake...bazinga
nap
ahhhhh
cagedmind0531
oh lol
forrestjones2010
how are you
cagedmind0531
Not bad. I did a bit more writing. Let me post it
forrestjones2010
rock and roll
cagedmind0531
Posted
forrestjones2010
k
cagedmind0531
There needs to be some events happening in the forest. They need to be added around what I already wrote. Still I did quite a bit of work.
forrestjones2010
k
want me to start where i left off and edit as i go as i was earlier?
cagedmind0531
sure
Unless it feels better to read first and edit later. Whatever works
forrestjones2010
they are both the same to me
cagedmind0531
Surprised I got so much done today. It's starting to pick up again.
forrestjones2010
and its really good too
cagedmind0531
Glad to hear that, was nervous
forrestjones2010
The pursuit ensues for many minutes before finally Graven trips upon the root of a large tree and into the clearing ahead, hitting his head upon a fallen branch.
second upon use "on"
cagedmind0531
done
forrestjones2010
sorry i just had to break up a dog fight
ha ha
cagedmind0531
lol
forrestjones2010
the rot is not taking to the elephant
cagedmind0531
rot?
forrestjones2010
rotweiler
our first born
cagedmind0531
oh
forrestjones2010
yeah we like em big
ok back on task
the explaination of the chains ties in well to what axis was saying when he saw the tree...
good tie back
cagedmind0531
groovy
forrestjones2010
You alone will play fate to all ages, denying all clairvoyance."
what does this mean
really the last part
denying all clairvoyance
cagedmind0531
Means you will make it impossible to predict the future. Yeah it is kinda vague
clairvoyance means the ability to see the future
forrestjones2010
it could work as is
the transition from mask to person is powerful good
cagedmind0531
Cool
You alone will play fate to all ages, denying all written futures.
forrestjones2010
that is clearer
cagedmind0531
k good
forrestjones2010
i noticed a few things are in parenthisese...are you still thinking about this
cagedmind0531
Yeah...I don't think explaining things flat out like that fits at all but I wasn't sure how to explain them otherwise
Also we need a word that means purpose
An etherian word
I don't like the word purpose at all
sounds like porpoise
forrestjones2010
and its repetitive
this word has to flow well because it will be used all the way through the book
cagedmind0531
aye
saura
random word
forrestjones2010
try it
have been here for ages beyond I can recall. The young one arrived before he could even speak(
beyond time i can recall
cagedmind0531
fixed
forrestjones2010
I only recently found the two siblings.
take out only
No doubt you all have=You have seen your share of trials.
home and protect you from the elements."
home. It will protect you from the elements."
cagedmind0531
done
brb need a drink
forrestjones2010
k
Graven then considers new names for the four so that he may takes steps toward teaching them to speak and find themselves once more.
so he may
take out that
The feral child he names Syrka, the tattoo'd sibling after Forge he names Gaia, the etherhil that had been sharpening the stick he names Veyn, and finally the one formerly known as Agnagn he names Adahn.
cagedmind0531
back
forrestjones2010
The feral child he names Syrka. The tatoo'd sibling is named after Forge. The etherhil he names Gaia.
I am not sure what to do with the last sentence
the message is great
cagedmind0531
yeah I knew that was problematic
forrestjones2010
it is just confusing with all the commas
break it up into 2 or 3 sentences
cagedmind0531
alrighty
forrestjones2010
on a content level...there is allot here that brings down the mythological into a real life believable setting
i am enjoying it
cagedmind0531
That's good to hear
forrestjones2010
i will be up tonight where do you want me to pick up?
cagedmind0531
Wherever. You getting off for now?
forrestjones2010
that was the end of what you wrote right?
cagedmind0531
yes
forrestjones2010
k
no i will up be up for a while i just slept 3 hours
cagedmind0531
Ah ok cool
forrestjones2010
i started another new med today that knocked me out
topamax
for migraines
cagedmind0531
I see.
I hope they don't do more harm then good.
forrestjones2010
me too
cagedmind0531
So you said from a content standpoint. What about froma structure standpoint. Are things flowing well? I know we are missing some action.
forrestjones2010
the flow is fine
as far as action
i dont know if this piece really needs anything else
cagedmind0531
Really?
forrestjones2010
it seems complete to me as is
but
cagedmind0531
Complete as in chapter done? or complete as in...
forrestjones2010
let me go back through and reread it without breaks and see
cagedmind0531
j
k
forrestjones2010
i dont think it is a done chapter
cagedmind0531
Me neither
forrestjones2010
another event when they get to where they are going would probably complete the chapter
cagedmind0531
Maybe something happens when they get to the tree.
forrestjones2010
thats what i was thinking
did you post ch 2 to the final blog?
cagedmind0531
No
forrestjones2010
do you think we should post 1 and 2 there now that we are working on 3
cagedmind0531
Yeah sure. Let me do that right fast
Done
forrestjones2010
rock
cagedmind0531
yeah there surely are some rocks in the story
I bet we are one of the first in history, who are not geologists, to spend so much time on rocks
forrestjones2010
lol
this is the age of Order right
era
cagedmind0531
Near the end of it but yes
forrestjones2010
even better
how about a theophany
cagedmind0531
A who? what is that again?
forrestjones2010
it is a god showing up on the scene...have order make an appearance in his era
brb...i have to check out something
cagedmind0531
Not opposed to it. Have to see how we would do it
forrestjones2010
back
cagedmind0531
k
By the way
In the future Siren is underground inside the earth. The atmosphere has been burned off
forrestjones2010
sweet...scalp scalp
cagedmind0531
An underground city called Solace
forrestjones2010
nice name
cagedmind0531
It's one of my favorite words
forrestjones2010
it is special
cagedmind0531
Ok so this chapter should end with the Gaia tree. The next chapter should be about the tree. The chapter after that is about them returning to
Iboga
at least that's one idea
Or we could have a rune bomb at the end of this chapter and send them back to Iboga next chapter and call it 'Origins' and have that double for
the origin of the gaia tree
If we do it that way something needs to happen either at the end of this chapter or the beginning of the next, that turns it into the Gaia tree
Which means Gaia [the sibling] dies
forrestjones2010
...thinking...
cagedmind0531
It's the biggest event in the book. Basically the center of everything
The tree becomes the focus of the story
forrestjones2010
ah
cagedmind0531
I don't mean it switches to the tree I just mean it's a huge part of things to come
forrestjones2010
right
Gaia=Forge
cagedmind0531
yah
forrestjones2010
how does gaia die?
cagedmind0531
I haven't decided yet. Something big.
AI does it
He creates a being out of runic power and electricity, and either it's creation or it does something and gaia is destroyed
forrestjones2010
where does the artifact come in?
cagedmind0531
What I just mentioned is the creation of the artifact
forrestjones2010
thought it sounded familiar
cagedmind0531
This is tough
forrestjones2010
question
when i say how does gaia die..i mean the young etherhil that was just found...is there more than one gaia?
cagedmind0531
Oh the young one is killed by a rune bomb. THen they bury her at the foot of the tree. From then on it's known as the Gaia tree.
I'd kind of like to get more attached to her before she dies
If she dies now the reader is just like 'shrug'
forrestjones2010
agreed
but when you say AI kills Gaia to who/what are you referring?
cagedmind0531
Artificial Intelligence kills the Gaia tree in the future
forrestjones2010
now i am up to speed
cagedmind0531
Would it be odd for the tree to take the eye while he is sleeping?
It does have vines
forrestjones2010
no it would not be odd
but why would graven loose axis
they are not permernantly joined?
cagedmind0531
They are, was just a random thought. See we need something obscure that is powerful. I'd say an act would work but that's kind of corny
forrestjones2010
His laughter, the crunching leaves and snapping twigs drowning out any noises from the forest.
is this line freudian?
cagedmind0531
In what way? Scared to ask
forrestjones2010
drowning out oises from forrest?
lol
noises
cagedmind0531
No he's just being noisy stomping through the forest lol
perv
rofl
forrestjones2010
not perv dumbass
cagedmind0531

OH! What if Siren creates it somehow. The doctor could order her to do it. This would be before AI goes psychotic and kills him
forrestjones2010
ok...brb
back
cagedmind0531
k
forrestjones2010
had to put tish to bed

cagedmind0531
ah ok
I've got it
I think
Ok so maybe something turns her ether blue instead of red and when she is buried the tree feeds off the power in her Ether
forrestjones2010
perfect
cagedmind0531
Problem is the only thing that turns Ether from red to blue is runic power. Like right now Graven's s purple
What if she pushes graven out of the way and saves him. It's like the ultimate act of purpose.
forrestjones2010
that would work
creates a martyr figure giving the name of the tree
even more gravity
cagedmind0531
It would be a subtle message too about how love can change things from dark to beautiful
forrestjones2010
death destruction mayhem...puppies
cagedmind0531
So now it looks like we need an entire chapter devoted to making us give a shit about Gaia
forrestjones2010
it could be this one
the ending of this one
easy enough
cagedmind0531
Think we can do that in 3-5 pages?
forrestjones2010
...and Graven was struck by one of the ethereans more so than the rest...
yes
cagedmind0531
good line
She represents forge so she needs to be really creative and imaginative
forrestjones2010
agreed
cagedmind0531
We need to establish how old Graven is...cause this could be a love interest if he isn't an old fogey
I figured the two 'adolescents' are in their 30s or so and Graven could be what? 50?
forrestjones2010
i pictured him muscular 50
cagedmind0531
50 is really young for ethereans
forrestjones2010
so we gotz a hook up
cagedmind0531
Not the first time an older guy falls for a younger chick
forrestjones2010
right...but it is the first time a tree turns blue
cagedmind0531
lol
forrestjones2010
ok so we got the basic premise down...want me to pick up from here?
cagedmind0531
sure
Don't forget that she dies by a rune bomb at the end of the chapter and he can summon stones now and possibly he can control vines if he
is put into a life and death situation
*if
There needs to be a reason he can't stop the bomb also. Like it surprises him or something because we have shown he can stop them
forrestjones2010
ok
i am get offline for a while and see what i can come up with...
cagedmind0531
alrighty. I'll try to stick around for a while
forrestjones2010
k