1/27/2010

forrestjones2010: your mask look great
cagedmind0531: Good afternoon sir
forrestjones2010: Afternoon
cagedmind0531: Yeah I finally got the forge mask done but it needs alot of work. It's very sloppy
forrestjones2010: I like it
cagedmind0531: How's your day progressing?
forrestjones2010: Jesse likes your work too
cagedmind0531: Cool
forrestjones2010: Going good...i have a new addition to my family!
cagedmind0531: Oh? A pet?
forrestjones2010: english mastiff...
cagedmind0531: That's an ugly dog isn't it? :P
forrestjones2010: Ugly & big as a houe...170 pounds
cagedmind0531: ROFL
forrestjones2010: Did you read what I wrote?
cagedmind0531: No, where is it?
forrestjones2010: on the post from last night...
cagedmind0531: Not seeing it...
forrestjones2010: The siren stuff?
cagedmind0531: One sec. Think I found it.
forrestjones2010: Fracture shard 3 at the end...the stuff we were hashing last night...
cagedmind0531: I like it so far. Good stuff. Siren is a very subtle character and I'm glad you went that direction.
forrestjones2010: Me too...its not her show...its gravens
forrestjones2010: She is just a literary device to create dialouge...
cagedmind0531: I want to show the evolution of graven from being a smart ass to a hard ass, we need some stuff devoted to his evolution
forrestjones2010: K
cagedmind0531: I mean emotionally what is he going through exactly. Does he miss something? Someone?
cagedmind0531: Missing the camping trips with Taeran his teacher definitely needs to be an element
forrestjones2010: Not following here? Elaborate
cagedmind0531: Well that scene at the start of the book isn't a village it's a camping trip. Maybe mention how he misses his teacher and wish he had his advice now.
forrestjones2010: Ok I am with you now
forrestjones2010: Didn't realize it was a camping trip
cagedmind0531: Yeah it was only 4 people.
forrestjones2010: Gotcha...but they belong to a village right?
cagedmind0531: Right
forrestjones2010: k
cagedmind0531: Maybe explain exactly why he is going mad. That the eye is driving him on or the constant failures. Something more specific then just cave dwelling
forrestjones2010: For sure
cagedmind0531: We could make the eye sentient...it could talk to him. That would definitely add some more input.
cagedmind0531: Talk to him in his head of course
forrestjones2010: Love that idea
cagedmind0531: It could even help teach him, and it should criticize him CONSTANTLY.
cagedmind0531: Filled with ideas today.
cagedmind0531: What exactly is Siren? Human? Robot? Explain her powers etc.
forrestjones2010: She is technology & a heavy does of fracture
forrestjones2010: Dose
forrestjones2010: She is also a linguist & teacher...her main fuction is a recruiter for the war
forrestjones2010: The Great War
cagedmind0531: I think going back a bit and adding the shard talking to him is going to help. It could tell him not to trust her or something.
forrestjones2010: specialty is guns & stealth coverings
forrestjones2010: Sounds perfect
cagedmind0531: I'm leaving for a bit. Be back before long
forrestjones2010: K
cagedmind0531: Home
forrestjones2010: Sup
cagedmind0531: Got a canvas at Hobby Lobby. Going to paint 1 mask in each corner and have the gaia tree probably at the center
forrestjones2010: Nice onion
cagedmind0531: onion?
forrestjones2010: Random shinanagans
cagedmind0531: What's going on sir
cagedmind0531: How's work?
forrestjones2010: Gravy baby...livin the dream...
cagedmind0531: You going to have time to do some writing tonight or do you want me to pick it up?
forrestjones2010: I can right if you want to paint yourpicture
cagedmind0531: I am not starting the painting yet. I'm not certain that is what I want to do. The masks are really hard to draw and will be 10 times harder to paint
forrestjones2010: I agree...
forrestjones2010: Just let me know what you want to do...i am flexible...i need to do a purgatory pic today too...
cagedmind0531: I'm doing some revisions and adding him talking to himself.
forrestjones2010: K
cagedmind0531: Inverted black iris sounds like she is calling herself the shard.
forrestjones2010: Change it if ya like...
cagedmind0531: What exactly is her purpose in coming to Graven? To use him as a weapon?
forrestjones2010: To observe him to see if she can learn how to make new weapons with his knowledge...or if he is a warrior...possible recruitment...
cagedmind0531: gotcha
forrestjones2010: In this visitation she realizes he is at the beginning of his learning & tracks him throughout his life
cagedmind0531: I need more description of her. What does she look like other then her trenchcoat. Is she tall? Is she tan? etc?
forrestjones2010: She thinks for a moment that she may want to attack him & take the shard...she knows its origin & other uses...but she is held back...
forrestjones2010: Tall...thin...smoking hot...megan fo hot
forrestjones2010: Fox
cagedmind0531: Again the voice resonates within him, "She has come to kill you, to take your power."
With his constant twitching Siren is noticeably offput, and now it is obvious he is scrutinizing her with some foreknowledge she did not expect.
forrestjones2010: Love it
cagedmind0531: He quickly learned that his exile and prison of solitude was two fold. It was to protect his brothers from himself and also to contain the plague of what would become his greatest gift; his core descending into the rune. This is good but a little vague.
forrestjones2010: Dig
forrestjones2010: She is the leading general of the army of the universe...one bad biaaaaatch...>:-)
cagedmind0531: Let's rope that in a bit.
cagedmind0531: No superheroes.
forrestjones2010: :-(
forrestjones2010: Not really I was joking anyway...but sh do be suppa bad
cagedmind0531: lol
forrestjones2010: She
cagedmind0531: Keep in mind that the characters are just the medium through which we explain the universe. That's the point of the book.
cagedmind0531: We can change it if it comes to that but that's where we are now
forrestjones2010: Gotcha...also remember that people love people so we need characters with depth & solid relationships which reinforces motive and morals
cagedmind0531: dig
cagedmind0531: I only gave the eye 2 lines or so. It will appear again later but for now it doesn't respect him enough to address him properly.
cagedmind0531: Corrections and revisions are done. Want me to post it?
cagedmind0531: Ya there?
cagedmind0531: poke
forrestjones2010: Here now
cagedmind0531: I wrote quite a bit, you at the computer yet?
forrestjones2010: Church tonight home at 9ish
cagedmind0531: damn ok
forrestjones2010: Send it to email & I can read it from fone
cagedmind0531: ok
cagedmind0531: what's the address again?
forrestjones2010: Forrestjones2010@gmail.com
cagedmind0531: sent
forrestjones2010: I read about half but have to put it down...what I have read so far is fantastic....some of your best work
cagedmind0531: Do you know if ink works decently on top of oil paint? If the paint is dry I mean?
forrestjones2010: Don't know
cagedmind0531: You home yet?
forrestjones2010: Almost
cagedmind0531: Cool beans
forrestjones2010: Sup nuccan
cagedmind0531: Got time to read?
forrestjones2010: Yup
cagedmind0531: k I'll post it
forrestjones2010: You realize we are approaching 40 pages...
cagedmind0531: posted
cagedmind0531: I show 27 pages when I compare it to one of my books with the same margins
forrestjones2010: I really liked the way you handled time passing
cagedmind0531: What do you mean?
forrestjones2010: Ok 27 is cool too
cagedmind0531: Seemed like a good number
cagedmind0531: If something isn't right be sure to let me know. I'm not a sensitive snowflake
forrestjones2010: Give me a sec
cagedmind0531: Also if something seems dull I'd like to know that too
cagedmind0531: Take your time
forrestjones2010: k
forrestjones2010: Tracing the rune with his finger it alit before him until finally the rock reformed before him.
forrestjones2010: just delete "before him"
cagedmind0531: kk
forrestjones2010: Graven, remembering the lessons of Taeran, would become a statue, standing stoic against the scrutizing breath of the creatures. Sometimes he would have to sit still with baited breath hours at a time before left at peace to study.
forrestjones2010: i like this but i am not sure what it is talking about
cagedmind0531: Oh remember when the beast attacked the camp and Taeran stood still so it wouldn't see him.
forrestjones2010: i thouht the beast attacked at iboga's
forrestjones2010: were there 2 attacks
cagedmind0531: Near the camp I meant
cagedmind0531: You are right. It attacked near Iboga's
forrestjones2010: ok then its fine
cagedmind0531: Should I make that more clear? Or did you just forget the standing still thing?
forrestjones2010: it would be clearer if it mentioned the attack near iboga's...but this could just be me forgetting a piece
cagedmind0531: k fixing it
forrestjones2010: other then the one you see here before you."
forrestjones2010: then=than
cagedmind0531: On occasion Etherbeasts would show their face and Graven, remembering the lessons of
cagedmind0531: Taeran regarding their sight depending on movement, would become a statue.
forrestjones2010: peaks to you."
forrestjones2010: needs"?"
cagedmind0531: let me find that
cagedmind0531: What's that full sentence?
forrestjones2010: Siren observes Graven's twitching behavior, "Are you haunted by some vision or voice? You search the cave as if it speaks to you."

forrestjones2010: Siren's voice trailed off and became hypnotizing but somewhere deep within her trepidation spread.
forrestjones2010: this is a very strong line
cagedmind0531: Cool
forrestjones2010: The four masks that Graven had originally seen and explained to Iboga appeared and descended into the space surrounding Graven.
forrestjones2010: second Graven=him
cagedmind0531: k
forrestjones2010: but to Siren time was irrelevant,
a mere variable in an equation long since solved.
forrestjones2010: very nice
forrestjones2010: alas another crag dream come to torment me are you."
forrestjones2010: needs?
cagedmind0531: k
forrestjones2010: Let drink and eat.
forrestjones2010: =let us
forrestjones2010: or let's
forrestjones2010: shrooms
forrestjones2010: rock on
cagedmind0531: lol
forrestjones2010: maybe those are making him hallucinate
forrestjones2010: played along thinking to that he may be delaying his inevitable madness by a few choice days.

forrestjones2010: too
forrestjones2010: oo intensely then i perish.
forrestjones2010: =I
forrestjones2010: capital "I"
cagedmind0531: k
forrestjones2010: He looks down at his nails worn now to the nub from carving years on end and kicks the nearest rock setting hit foot to throbbing.
forrestjones2010: making his foot throb
forrestjones2010: .
cagedmind0531: k
forrestjones2010: not sure about that one just a little akward
cagedmind0531: He looks down at his nails worn now to the nub from carving years on end. Then kicks the nearest rock making his foot throb
forrestjones2010: k
cagedmind0531: that better? or still sketchy?
forrestjones2010: better
forrestjones2010: Siren stands curious using a telescopic lens to scan the three rapidly approaching shapes before too late realizing the danger.
forrestjones2010: before its to late she realizes the danger
forrestjones2010: perhaps
cagedmind0531: k
forrestjones2010: Siren follow but it was too late.
forrestjones2010: indeed too late
forrestjones2010: the gust and shards throwing her to the ground.
forrestjones2010: threw
cagedmind0531: ahhH! trying to keep up lol
forrestjones2010: :)
forrestjones2010: The second he falls into the tree he is assailed with all manner of many legged intrusions upon his ashen skin.
forrestjones2010: not sure about this
forrestjones2010: nevermind
forrestjones2010: that one is fine
forrestjones2010: rns with Graven standing unceremoniously statuesque among the bugs and foulness of the rotten tree.
forrestjones2010: the foulness
forrestjones2010: "too late"
forrestjones2010: is used a few too many time
forrestjones2010: s
cagedmind0531: ok
cagedmind0531: k fixed that
forrestjones2010: The force of the explosion knocking Graven down as well.

cagedmind0531: Thank god for the search feature
forrestjones2010: lol
forrestjones2010: The force of the explosion knocked Graven down.
forrestjones2010: Has my madness finally taken me?
forrestjones2010: has madness finally taken me
forrestjones2010: just loose "my"
forrestjones2010: that is you are no more insane then any others in the mortal coil."

forrestjones2010: love it
cagedmind0531: k I'm caught up so far
forrestjones2010: k
forrestjones2010: The touch of chaos."
forrestjones2010: torch
forrestjones2010: or not
forrestjones2010: your call eithyer works
cagedmind0531: k
forrestjones2010: "Good, that will save us some time then. Already I have imparted all the knowledge you need in order to stave off the fool's onslaught of people who would steal your life to have me."
forrestjones2010: very powerful
forrestjones2010: i love how you introduced fracture
forrestjones2010: clever indeed
cagedmind0531: Cool beans
forrestjones2010: No wait I have question...." In the middle
forrestjones2010: a
forrestjones2010: a question
forrestjones2010: or questions
cagedmind0531: shoot
forrestjones2010: no that sentence subject/verb agreement off
cagedmind0531: oh ok
forrestjones2010: No wait I have question...." In the middle of speaking Graven is taken for the first time in ages to dreams of his own; his family, his people, his mentor."
cagedmind0531: How do I fix it?
forrestjones2010: No wait I have questions
forrestjones2010: plural
forrestjones2010: or a question=singular
cagedmind0531: oh
cagedmind0531: Your typing is gray, can you fix tthat?
cagedmind0531: It's hard to read
forrestjones2010: yes
cagedmind0531: I noticed it does that when you copy it. Weird
forrestjones2010: that better
cagedmind0531: yes
forrestjones2010: done
forrestjones2010: rock on
cagedmind0531: Were you afraid I killed Siren?
cagedmind0531: lol
forrestjones2010: yes
forrestjones2010: she can die
forrestjones2010: as we all can
forrestjones2010: nice work jason
cagedmind0531: No I don't want her to die yet. She just teleports back to the future, get's patched up by future gadgets etc
forrestjones2010: brb
cagedmind0531: I figure you can take over a where Siren is. Discuss her motive etc. Don't make it too far out there.
forrestjones2010: k
forrestjones2010: i thought she was done
forrestjones2010: just in and out to flesh out Gravens motive
forrestjones2010: i like forge btw
cagedmind0531: Oh I figured she had a larger role
forrestjones2010: lava and metal
cagedmind0531: Thanks :D
forrestjones2010: not unless you want her to
forrestjones2010: she can bounce in and out if we get stuck
forrestjones2010: she is just a literary device
forrestjones2010: unless you think she is sexy and needs to stck around
cagedmind0531: rofl. I am going to admit at first I thought she was too far out there but now I see how she can work and be a tie in between Graven and the
cagedmind0531: future
cagedmind0531: So where do we stand. Are we headed in the right direction?\
forrestjones2010: this is superb man
forrestjones2010: i am not blowing smoke
cagedmind0531: I really hope the others share your opinion
forrestjones2010: you saw the edit i just did right
forrestjones2010: there was not much wrong with it
forrestjones2010: i am telling you your writing has taken on a new level
forrestjones2010: i am a harsh critic
forrestjones2010: if its not good i will let you know
cagedmind0531: The writing is coming slower right now then it did at first but I'm trying to be consistently productive
forrestjones2010: not to go to far with this but i have read near 5000 books
forrestjones2010: i know good literature when i see it
forrestjones2010: and this is "Literature"
forrestjones2010: its not just a story
cagedmind0531: That's what I want for sure
forrestjones2010: so let's roll
cagedmind0531: Ok so let's discuss where it goes from here
forrestjones2010: i think that is a wrap for chapter 2
cagedmind0531: Agreed
forrestjones2010: lets start ch 3
cagedmind0531: Ok so chapter 3...
forrestjones2010: k
forrestjones2010: thinking
cagedmind0531: In this chapter for starters the Gaia tree is born...or found
cagedmind0531: In it's infancy
forrestjones2010: so you want to move away from graven entirely
cagedmind0531: No. Graven lives for a long long time
forrestjones2010: k
forrestjones2010: where are his people?
forrestjones2010: i know he is in exile
cagedmind0531: In a village near Iboga.
forrestjones2010: but are they ever mentioned again?
cagedmind0531: He has to deal with Iboga, so at some point he should probably return home.
forrestjones2010: question
cagedmind0531: shoot
forrestjones2010: what happened to iboga back there?
forrestjones2010: he was chunkin bombs
forrestjones2010: but where did he go after that
cagedmind0531: No, the bombs found him on their own
forrestjones2010: oh
cagedmind0531: Iboga is off god knows where
forrestjones2010: k
forrestjones2010: you had mentioned it in im
forrestjones2010: that iboga would attack
forrestjones2010: so i mixed it up in my head while reading
cagedmind0531: He basically programmed the things to track down Graven
forrestjones2010: that makes sense
forrestjones2010: does graven know he was behind it?
cagedmind0531: With the next bomb he finds the shard tells him.
cagedmind0531: The eye didn't want to risk it this time but next time he freezes a bomb in the air the eye asks to examine it
forrestjones2010: ah ok
forrestjones2010: so fracture is now leading graven conciosly now right
cagedmind0531: Not leading, more like advising, observing. Helping sometimes with some motive we don't know
forrestjones2010: k
cagedmind0531: The eye needs a name
forrestjones2010: but graven is aware that he is there?
cagedmind0531: He's aware the eye is communicating with him
forrestjones2010: The Eschaton
forrestjones2010: it is the singularity at the end of time
forrestjones2010: k
cagedmind0531: I like that word but not that meaning
forrestjones2010: it is the object of Eschatology
forrestjones2010: Soliton
forrestjones2010: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Soliton
cagedmind0531: I like that word. I was thinking something more...practical. Something he can be called all the time without it being something noticeable
forrestjones2010: gotcha
forrestjones2010: sometimes i like flash
cagedmind0531: in other words
cagedmind0531: If I say soliton 3 times it starts to get bleh
forrestjones2010: how about Axis Mutatis
cagedmind0531: AXIS!
cagedmind0531: Axis works
forrestjones2010: ok i was trying to be funny
cagedmind0531: I like Axis
forrestjones2010: but cool
forrestjones2010: i do to
forrestjones2010: and your right about soliton
forrestjones2010: it is a one timer
forrestjones2010: why do you choose gai next?
forrestjones2010: gaia
cagedmind0531: What do you mean?
forrestjones2010: why do you want to go the direction gaia tree next?
forrestjones2010: just curious
forrestjones2010: do you have an order in mind?
cagedmind0531: I don't want to devote the chapter to it but basically something is done that sparks the creation of the Gaia tree. He leaves the forest
cagedmind0531: and returns home. While gaia evolves
forrestjones2010: k
forrestjones2010: what about a mistake he makes while trying to creat something different
cagedmind0531: That would work.
forrestjones2010: what does the gai tree become
cagedmind0531: The center of worship, of a culture. Whether it actually does anything I don't know
forrestjones2010: k
cagedmind0531: This chapter he becomes a teacher
cagedmind0531: He finds the others, and they are primal. They've gone mad
forrestjones2010: ok to whom his people
cagedmind0531: The other exiles
forrestjones2010: k
forrestjones2010: now im with you
cagedmind0531: He saves one from a rune bomb and that is where he finds out it's Iboga. The primals could hear that name and recoil.
forrestjones2010: the primals are the exiles?
cagedmind0531: yes
cagedmind0531: Unlike graven they were born with chaos-site. As children they were thrown into the wilds
cagedmind0531: chaos-sight*
forrestjones2010: i like
forrestjones2010: he teaches them to make things from runes while honing his craft
cagedmind0531: His main way of teaching them will be to teach them to deal with the madness that comes with rune-sight
cagedmind0531: but both for sure
forrestjones2010: what is the goal of this teaching?
cagedmind0531: To restore them to society while teaching them control of their power.
forrestjones2010: after they are educated where does graven go
cagedmind0531: I think one of his students should be killed by a rune and at that point he decides to settle things with Iboga.
cagedmind0531: I have a very elaborate scene where toward the end of their education they freeze and explosion in ice then take the momentum of the explosion
cagedmind0531: into themselves to save them Scarring them all.
cagedmind0531: an*
cagedmind0531: to save him rather*
forrestjones2010: when did you wite that
cagedmind0531: Long time ago when I wrote the forest stuff.
forrestjones2010: k
cagedmind0531: Ok this is kind of hard to explain...
forrestjones2010: do you think an outline would be useful?
forrestjones2010: or stifling
cagedmind0531: one sec let me get this out. Probably would be
cagedmind0531: helpful maybe
cagedmind0531: But there is a tree. It later becomes the Gaia tree. Basically it has vines. Each vine has a resonance that coincides with a creature in the
cagedmind0531: forest
cagedmind0531: Every time there is a growl, howl, caw, anything one of the vines unwraps
cagedmind0531: He makes it his goal to basically untie this massive tree and once he does he makes his home at the base that held the sphere atop the tree.
cagedmind0531: Ok I think that's what I want but how to explain it and how to impliment it is another matter. That is if you think it's a cool idea.
cagedmind0531: If not no worries
forrestjones2010: i do like the idea
forrestjones2010: just rying to understand it in the context of what era we are in and when and how do we shift to the next era
cagedmind0531: OMG The student that dies could be called Gaia and that's what he names the tree after
forrestjones2010: trying*
forrestjones2010: hells brink i think he's got it
cagedmind0531: lol
cagedmind0531: So he calls his home Gaia and eventually from the primals a city is born.
cagedmind0531: With Gaia at it's center.
cagedmind0531: Somehow the tree changes and starts to mutate everything around it
forrestjones2010: love it lets role with this
cagedmind0531: With what we have you mean or keep going?
forrestjones2010: graven goes back to primals teaches them gaias killed gaia become tree then city
forrestjones2010: thats ch 3
cagedmind0531: lol
forrestjones2010: serious that is a rough outine but that makes for a good ch
cagedmind0531: Just the way you worded it
cagedmind0531: :P
forrestjones2010: gotcha
forrestjones2010: that work for you?
cagedmind0531: The hard part is explaining why the tree works. The reason it is important to him is of course it's a test.
cagedmind0531: Yes that works
cagedmind0531: The chapter after this will be interesting because I have no clue what we are going to do with it. This is the last chapter I've worked on before
forrestjones2010: no bother i have ideas...
forrestjones2010: oh and if we need it i have a screen play all about gaia
forrestjones2010: we can rip that up too
cagedmind0531: One thing we need to do is add more history of the universe
cagedmind0531: The spell that creates the universe etc
forrestjones2010: agreed
cagedmind0531: Not sure how...
forrestjones2010: the bird speaks the spell right
cagedmind0531: yes
forrestjones2010: k
forrestjones2010: i have some thoughts percolatin on that there too
cagedmind0531: Oh?
forrestjones2010: they aints quite ruddy yet...they still percolatin
cagedmind0531: alrighty
cagedmind0531: As far as illustrations go for chapter 3I have many many ideas but chapter 2 is going to need some more.
forrestjones2010: i can carve some visualls out of two
cagedmind0531: I have a rune bomb drawn
cagedmind0531: You online a while?
forrestjones2010: actually i have to get up early so i will be out in a little while
cagedmind0531: k I was gonna scan some stuff to show you but if you gotta go soon I'll do it later
forrestjones2010: go ahead
forrestjones2010: i have about 20 minutes left or so
cagedmind0531: k brb
cagedmind0531: still there?
forrestjones2010: yup
forrestjones2010: purpose is fading fast for the night though
forrestjones2010: you postin them to the site
cagedmind0531: Yes
cagedmind0531: almost done
cagedmind0531: Posted
forrestjones2010: K
Last message received on 1/28 at 12:52 AM
forrestjones2010: Nice work...
forrestjones2010: I must go dreamy by now
cagedmind0531: I've had these drawings for years. Glad they are finally going to be of use
cagedmind0531: Night man
forrestjones2010: Nite...good stuff today...wow today was amazing...
cagedmind0531: Yeah I was a bit worried but we did good stuff
forrestjones2010: No worries mate
forrestjones2010: Will you post todays convo to blog
cagedmind0531: Yeah can do